19 (f) and a virgin. I was getting really turned on by what he was doing. Then he stuck his finger up there, not fast, and he let me know before he did it but I screamed stop because both the pressure and the pain was too much. he got it up by about an inch or less at that point. I’ve practiced myself and the same thing happens. it feels like someone putting a finger down your throat and then pushing at a right angle against the wall of your throat. this is not a good type of feeling to me. i cannot imagine anything else going there. is sex just one of those things women pretend to like and that’s what the women screaming during sex is about they’re screaming in pain? is there some kind of numbing gel or medication that every other woman uses that i never knew about or something? what am i missing here?
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- 2 hours
Like others have said talk to a gyno. You should not be in pain. They will be able to help you sort out what’s going so you can enjoy intimacy.
- 4 hours
Look into vaginismus, it’s fairly common and way too many women suffer because they don’t know about it.
- 3 hours
This was my immediate thought too.
OP - it’s not that uncommon, and is totally treatable.
It’s just some muscles involuntary tensing up as a result of something going inside (or sometimes even the idea). Unfortunately, because it’s an involuntary reflex, you can’t “just relax” it away. It’s just something your body needs to unlearn.
Talk to your doctor, follow their advice.
For what it’s worth, both of the people I knew who had it when they were younger, once it was sorted, it stayed sorted.
- 49 minutes
Mostly dilators and such, but please seek medical advice from real doctors and not a forum.
There’s a few things that can affect vaginismus.
- 4 hours
I was about to say this. I remember a story about from the olden days of reddit where a woman had the issue and didn’t realize it till her late 20s or so. She just thought sex is supposed to be painful until a new partner came along. I think they got into other forms of sexual play and not just PIV, but to each there own.
- 4 hours
Try talking to your gynecologist about this issue (and possibly to a couple other gynecologists after that!)
- Thunderfist@piefed.socialEnglish4 hours
Definitely talk to your gynecologist. It could be vaginismus or something like that.
- 3 hours
My first attempts were so painful that I stopped the situations. It was frustrating. I was a crazy teenager, so my amazing plan was to “fix” that problem myself with an object. It worked, I never felt pain again, but it’s definitely not the recommended thing to do… I agree with the rest of the comments: go see a doctor.
Edit: In case it wasn’t clear, my problem was probably my hymen, but my method is not the correct approach. Visit a gyno.
- 4 hours
Please go and see a doctor about this. You may have a medical condition (endometriosis or other) that makes penetrative sex extremely painful.
That does not mean you cannot enjoy sex, but it is important to get clarity on this before you do anything else.
- 4 hours
I can assure you, the screaming you think of is not because of pain but intense pleasure. Any (ANY!) pain during sexual contact is a reason to stop immediately (unless it’s intentional and with consent by all involved, of course). As others have said, what you’re experiencing is not how it’s supposed to be and you need to consult a doctor to find out what’s happening.
Edit: oh and no, screaming isn’t how all women express pleasure during sex either. There’s an ocean of ways to enjoy sex and all that’s certain is that (unwanted) pain is not normal.
3 hoursNo, that should really not be your experience. I can only echo what others say: talk to your doctor. If you think about that your vagina should be capable of giving birth as a absolute maximum, an inch of a single finger should not hurt at all if you are turned on and your partners fingernails aren’t an issue. Don’t be ashamed - i’ve met multiple women who had issues like that and were able to overcome them with medical help, and if your partner is worth the trouble, he will be supporting you because he wants you to enjoy sex too.
- 3 hours
Even women without an medical issue need time for their body to catch up to the mental readiness. What you see in most porn is totally incorrect. If all is okay, 15-30 minutes of foreplay (on the rest of her body, touch is a huge thing) is best before any actual sexual action. There are some good Youtube channels that cover how to prepare a woman’s body, with the key elements being lots of touching all over, and not rushing into it. The human female body has to be convinced it is safe and secure, even if you feel turned on, but once the parts are relaxed, sex is not painful at all.
That being said, a lot of the other comments seem to pinpoint one direction to talk to a doctor about. If even your own touching hurts, something isn’t right. But once you figure that out, teach your partner to help you get both mentally and physically ready and take time to enjoy it.
- dumples@piefed.socialEnglish3 hours
Now you got lots of important medical advice that I think you should listen to. Also, you should really try to masterbate to see what you like. Try to focus on your clitoris and what’s external that gets you turned on before trying internal again. Something like 70+% of women can’t come from penetration alone.
You need to become the expert on what you like. Maybe try some porn or audio erotica ([Dipsea])(https://www.dipseastories.com/). Maybe get a vibrator (not an insertion toy yet) from a good sex toy shop. (Smitten Kitten, Babeland or anything that uses the words feminist, queer friendly or women’s owned). If you want to learn more about sex, consent, pleasure, kink or relationships I love Dan Savage content. He’s been doing it for decades and has great advice about all of this. Don’t rely on your partner to know what to do. He is an expert on himself and you are learning either. Good luck
- 2 hours
Amazing recommendations! Just wanted to co-sign this entire comment, really great advice.
- dumples@piefed.socialEnglish2 hours
I’ve learned a lot from his column and podcast over the years. I think I started reading his column in the back of the physical copies of The Onion over a decade ago. Really changed by relationships and worldview for the better. Highly recommend for anyone and everyone
- 4 hours
Yes some do sometimes, but talk to your gyno: That’s something they can probably help you with.
- 4 hours
Obviously I am unfamiliar with your personal situation, but a friend experienced a similar thing in her relationship:
She got diagnosed with vaginismus, which is basically involuntary muscle spasm around the vagina, which makes penetration painful to impossible.
I believe what helped her (alongside talking therapy), was using a dialator set/kit (basically very soft, untextured dildos that start very small (a few mm, and go up to about the size of a penis), which are explicitly made to help with Vaginismus.
She initially was treating more it a bit more like physio than intimacy; according to her BF, she didn’t realise you are supposed to effectively masturbate with them, apparently she would just lay there with one in and then wonder why there wasn’t much improvement, her therapist corrected her regarding this.
I also found out that her BF didn’t like sucking/playing with her nipples (also correctly guessed he was bottle fed from that, haha). Told him to stop being an idiot and engage with that bit and it’s no longer an issue for them; turns out getting your partner turned on and really in the mood can help - who’d have thought!
Another suggestion that has a much more immediate impact, but is less conventional and does carry some risks so I’ll mention it for the sake of covering all bases;
Poppers as in Alkyl Nitrites, the things that are popular in the gay clubbing scene, help massively with this by reducing the constriction of smooth muscles in the body/abdomin… (Meaning it loosens the muscles in the wall of your vagina, and also your butt), it also has secondary affects on blood pressure and makes you feel slightly drunk and mild euphoric
- 4 hours
ITT: lemmy (99.9% male) gets its first ai girlfriend and is helping her with the sex 🥳 how nice :)
