“These are a bit shit!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4P1r9MgilA&t=81

keys on a ring I between your fingers

If you think this works, try it on a bag and report back.

Steel water bottle with one end narrowed to be a convenient handle –

A fat water bottle can’t be gripped. Bad handle = bad weapon –

To state the obvious, it’s not a worker doing that. It’s Universal Studios.