If everyone you interact with is an asshole, there’s a pretty strong case to be made that they’re not the problem.

Reminds me of the joke about the old lady that called her husband. “Be careful, I just saw on the news that some idiot is going the wrong way on the freeway!” Husband: “It’s not just one, there’s hundreds of 'em!”

With that in mind, that might not actually be cream.

For all the examples you listed, how often is the result wrong to to lack of communication? Have you ever ordered scrambled eggs and received them uncooked, because they didn’t understand what scrambled means? Have you ever asked to cash a check, and the bank teller gave you…something other than cash?

Those are examples of things that don’t require clarification, ever. Because there is no variation of those that is even slightly common. No one ever says they want scrambled eggs raw. No one ever asks to cash a check in any other way than to receive cash. There’s no common precedent for a mistake here.

But black coffee is, evidently, just enough of a fuzzy area that it happens sometimes. I guarantee you that people order black coffee with cream and sugar, because they either think “black coffee” means “coffee” or because they think saying “black coffee” means “drip coffee” and distinguishes it from espresso.

Yes, it shouldn’t be a problem, but it is a problem. So where’s the harm in changing how you order it and saying “coffee no cream no sugar” instead of “black coffee”? Just don’t say black coffee and it won’t sound redundant.

OK, sure, they should know. I agree, but it takes absolutely minimal effort to add “no cream no sugar” when you order.

You can be stubborn and insist that you shouldn’t have to endure the trauma of all that extra effort on your part so that you can get the wrong order and then complain about it.

There are many fast food places (in the US South, particularly) where you can order a Coke, and they’ll ask you what kind. Because saying “coke” to some people just means “soda”, not necessarily “Coca-Cola”.

I’m saying it’s a psychological thing. Coffee is black, so when someone says “black coffee”, it may not click in the barista’s mind that they actually want percolated/drip coffee with no cream or sugar. All they hear is the coffee part, and so they serve it the way most people want/expect it.

Ultimately they should ask, even if you say “black”. I’ve worked fast food, and so many people just don’t know how to even order the things they want. But if they don’t ask, you - as the customer - should be able to make it clear. What do you get out of not clarifying?

I truly think this is either just bad luck on your part or poor communication.

You’ve probably never been a barista.

I get coffee with c & s sometimes, black sometimes, depending on what I feel like. But I always make it crystal clear exactly how much cream and sugar I want. If I want it black, I don’t just say “black coffee please”. I say “coffee, NO cream NO sugar”.

They get orders for coffee many times a day, and most people want c & s, and most people even expect it without specifying it. So even though you say “black”, it may not register unless you clarify that that means no cream, no sugar.

Do what you want, as others have said, but also consider whether doing so would make life easier - for them or for you. The trade-off is how often it’s read and mispronounced by strangers vs. how often it’s written and misspelled by strangers.

You said it’s French; for example, if it’s “Jean” then the “correct” pronunciation would sound like “zhawn”. This might cause many native English speakers to mishear it as “John”. “Michel” sounds like “Michelle”.

On the other hand, they might read Jean and say “Gene” or see “Michel” and say “Michael”.

ETA: again, it’s your name so no, I don’t think it’s cringey.

I remember this ad in one the computer magazines I had as a teenager. Don’t ask me why I remember it so vividly.