So this Tord is kind of a self-insert. Don’t take everything he says and does as canon or related to his actor. This character is completely separate and even more so since he’s my alternate universe version kind of based on myself. I won’t take this as 100% a diagnosis of MYSELF either even if this version of a character I’m describing is based on me.

Tord is known, in this universe, to kind of be “cat-like”. He doesn’t really like water, he’s jumpy, he hates loud noises, and is pretty avoidant of others.

It’s assumed that Matt and Edd are the only people he doesn’t avoid, but he’s kind of distant from Tom because he likes pissing him off.

Ever since Tord was a child, he was always seen as different from others. Of course, there was his Norwegian accent, but also his mannerisms. He would blurt out things, he would get too attached to people. He’d only want to talk about TV shows he watched. He accidentally drove others away and people bullied him. He had the wrong teachers who said no one wanted to be around him, refused to let him socialize, lied about him.

After he got bullied and avoided, he became very anxious of what others thought of him and socially awkward, tending to just sit with his friends and stare at them rather than talk.

He is very interested in how things work, such as guns, computers, even people, but mostly guns and tech.

He is also prone to obsessive behaviors and mental breakdowns and behaves somewhat similarly to Yuri from Doki Doki Literature Club. Because of his attachment and intense personality, he would accidentally end up hurting himself and others. He’d drive others away and they’d call him stuff like a “stalker” and a “creep”. He’d feel his emotions, of course, intensely.

He’d feel like he wanted to rip his heart out for his attachment, even if not in a romantic way. He felt painfully attached, and since it was a source of stress, to balance the high, he needed to find ways to be angry at his attachment too, so he’d be both angry and obsessed/euphoric.

He is known to lock himself in his room during “episodes” of attachment and start laughing maniacally, doing who knows what. However, he seems (mostly) normal when he’s not attached to someone.

I’m trying to use Reddit less. I hate venting about another platform, but I needed to talk about this. If I mention that I have signs of a mental illness even ON the sub for people with said disorder, they downvote the crap out of me and others.

I got made fun of for posting artwork with a gay fictional couple cuddling.

If I dare talk about my writing or something that seems to be “dark” to express myself and how I feel, I get downvoted to hell.

I got downvoted for mentioning that I was trans on a TRANS sub.

I have a friend who I met because I kept seeing her art and decided to follow her. I want to tell her literally everything (within reason) but I have to accept that I can’t because she has her own problems.

She’s very nice and she has a lot of followers because her art is very good and she’s friendly, but IDK…

I get attached easily and I’m trying not to be, so I wanna tell this person everything, what I think, and share moments with her in a platonic way, but last time I said anything remotely vent-y, she just said “LMAO”/“LOL”/“LMFAO” and I felt bad, also because she seems very awkward and maybe I shouldn’t have done that and I just feel like I’m a user who just vents to people without care for their feelings

So I stopped.

But I want genuine connection with people and I don’t know how to accept that I can’t tell her my opinions and stuff, even if not a vent, because she won’t know what to tell me or just laugh.

Update: “I don’t hate you but sometimes I don’t wanna talk or know what to say so don’t chat me everyday :)”

What she said when I apologized.

Hi, guys. It’s Larry/Jay. Ever since I was around 8, I wanted to do what the boys did and hang out with them. Sadly, I even went through a “girls stink” phase and my role models were my dad and male heroes. I liked it when I saw clothes that were for boys and I got super happy when my hair was cut short because I’d look like a boy. However, I was sheltered from LGBTQ stuff, so I just thought I was a tomboy.

The gender dysphoria never truly went away. When I was 11, I had another “role model”, a male character. I wanted to wear a hoodie to hide my long hair and chest and “embody” his male spirit. I even wanted to be called a “he” sometimes. I stopped telling anyone and felt bad about it though when my at the time friend laughed at me.

13, I started experimenting with FtM identity because I never felt fully female like at all, and I always wanted to be like male characters I saw and identified more with them and saw myself AS them. Detransitioned or “desisted” when my girlfriend started bullying guys and especially trans guys.

On-and-off, I’ve been trans and from what I remember, usually being called “she” or a “girl”, triggered me to start acting fem again.

But even with my family, even identifying as a girl, I feel like a boy and I felt dysphoria by being called “she”.

I don’t even know if I’m truly genderfluid or just FtM due to this since it seems from what I remember, I go back to being a girl due to force or feeling unaccepted.