• HobbitFoot @thelemmy.clubEnglish
    31 minutes

    I haven’t done the first but I’ve done the second. I don’t like the second.

  • Ricky Rigatoni@piefed.zipEnglish
    4 hours

    Both sound terrifying and stressful. If they start off liking me I’ll be worried every day they’ll realize what I really am and leave, and if I have to earn their love they can take it away whenever they get bored with me.

    • Midnight Wolf@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2 hours

      Amazingly, my ex did both (realize what I am, and take away their affection like dropping a bag of shit with zero emotional loss) after six years together. And we started as liking each other mutually from the start. No situation is safe.

  • Hegar@fedia.io
    3 hours

    I have done both and while the former was very stressful, it was still better than the latter.

    Dating someone you’re not super into who really likes you felt like having a chainsaw hand. It sounds cool as long as you don’t think about any of the details, but in practice you just spend the entire time worrying how to avoid causing any harm.

  • Eggyhead@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4 hours

    I’d schedule dates with both prospective partners to see who I’m more compatible with moving forward.

    How much we did/didn’t like each other before we agreed to go on a date is absurdly irrelevant and a very childish kind of mindset to have when dating.

    • JayJLeas@lemmy.world
      3 hours

      That’s an interesting point of view. I’m demi, so I only develop feelings once I know someone well. I feel like by then I already know if we’re compatible. But I guess that’s not the case for most people.

      • stoy@lemmy.zipEnglish
        4 hours

        I have no idea of what that means.

        My reason for picking neither, is because I don’t see any possible way for any kind of relationship to possibly develop if the feelings are not mutual.

        • Ephera@lemmy.ml
          1 hour

          “aro-ace” means “aromantic and asexual”, so not interested in relationships, dating, sex etc…
          Can be general disinterest or trauma or a rational decision.

      • dingus@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3 hours

        I feel you. I never like someone initially. I have no idea how people do that. I have to get to know people in order to tell whether or not I like them. It’s one of the many reasons I’ve never really tried dating much.

  • zxqwas@lemmy.world
    4 hours

    Don’t we have better things to do with our lives? I have to pick? Fine… hmm… second I think. I have a stronger aversion to taking up people’s time when I feel they don’t like me.

  • HubertManne@piefed.socialEnglish
    4 hours

    when my wife and I met she was after me and I had eyes for her friend. Honestly im not very good at wooing so maybe this was the best situation for me.

  • brucethemoose@lemmy.world
    4 hours

    I mean. Step back, and its the same either way.

    But I suppose the anguish is on the “liker,” as the undecided is the one who gets to ponder their feelings and decide the fate of the date.

    …So if I was being selfish, I’d want to be the “undecided.” Generous, and I’d want to be the “liker,” so the heartache would be on me instead of my date.

    If I had knowledge of this cosmic situation, I guess I’d be the liker. I don’t want my date to have to sweat while I decide; I want them to have fun. And I’d classify myself as “looser than average,” so I wouldnt mind and just enjoy the time with the attractive person.