17 hours
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22 hoursI wish this was more easy and mainstream, people are still uptight about polyamory a lot. I wouldn’t want to have husbands or wives though - just partners. Or so I think sometimes, but time is limited and I cherish my alone time too much.
- 22 hours
Not spouses, but having multiple long-term partners is kind of wonderful. It’s work and not for everyone, but I can’t imagine going back to being monogamous. It’s such a joy to share different aspects of myself with different partners and to see them doing the same.
- 23 hours
Same. But sometimes I feel like I would have more than enough love to go around. More people deserve this love.
Then again, my wife also deserves all of it.
- 22 hours
What if it was the other way around? They had multiple partners so you had to spend less time keeping them happy? Seems like a win win, you have to spend less at the chores of the relationship and they gets to be more happy, content and taken care of!
- knuk@piefed.caEnglish19 hours
I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I’d feel jealous every time ny partners do something without me.
- 21 hours
The risk of being outnumbered in my own home does not appeal to me. And heck, given my many failings, I’d end up merely a living ghost in their home that was once mine. Nope. Not for me.
- 17 hours
It’s a very common thing (polygamy) over here in Mayotte, parts of my inlaw family practice it. It comes from Islam. For reference, Islam as it is practiced here is quite a bit different than anywhere else, I’m not a scholar but my understanding is it’s amalgamated with east african tradition in ways that sometimes seem antagonistic. For one, families are matrilinear and men go live with their wives upon marriage, in their house, on their land plots.
In any case it’s definitely a stormy topic. For one it’s very entrenched in ways, and many wives roll with it seemingly by default. However, frequently it looks more like resignation than acceptance (that’s my personal conclusion after a lot of observation and conversation with relevant people). The opposite (polyandry) is systematically (and immediately) dismissed by men upon my mentioning. So, my takeaway is it’s definitely a power over women thing. “To the privileged, equality feels like oppression” right?
As a regular, run-of-the-mill straight man, I love the idea of having multiple wives. But give it a couple seconds’ thought and it just… doesn’t stand to scrutiny. That means twice the financial support, twice the fatherly presence (which polygamous men in my environment almost all lack, unfortunately, that’s also an observation made over many years)… and living with the knowledge that your first wife probably accepts it out of resignation (because it’s likely to be ruled “lawful” by the local qadi in case you go and ask for a ruling). Is it worth some more pussy? I can understand that some men think this way. But I wouldn’t
- 22 hours
Not really. I do think it’s posible to love multiple people at the same time.
But being partnered on a daily level takes time and effort. Context switching it a huge mental load, especially when combined with emotions.
So - one primary partner for me.- 18 hours
I would get in so much trouble. I’m a few years in on my second marriage and I occasionally say “remember when…” only to get, “That wasn’t me.”
- 23 hours
Too much work.
Theoretically sounds amazing having a huge group of love fest where everyone is loving and everybody is loved…
Scheduling, making sure everyone has the attention they need and deserve, the perfect amount of the right love language - and we are not even talking about sex.
All that mental load - no way in hell. - 17 hours
I like living in share houses for this reason too. When it works well (which is 90% of the time in 2 decades I’ve been doing it), you can cook once a week and eat home cooked meals most nights, and cleaning and other chores are also shared/reduced
- 23 hours
Tried it for a few years. Both certainly enjoyed it and being able to choose between both helped alleviate some of my very high sex drive burden on both. Until I found out that its literally a full time job having two girlfriends and loving them and caring for them. I don’t have that kind of time if i want to live my own life as well.
- 23 hours
Having three full incomes or two and a homemaker sounds great. Even just another adult around would be great but yeah, its hard enough to have enough time for each other as it is.
- 20 hours
I’m unconvinced that polyamory is about anything other than wanting the permission to have sex with multiple people. I don’t want it from even a one person so suffice to say I see no upside.
- 20 hours
My partner has other partners and it’s more about emotional connection and support. From my point of view, it’s also nice to get him out of the house so I can cover all the surfaces with hobbies.
If it was about sex he’d probably not still be with me after 18 years, since I am uninterested in sex.
- 20 hours
Perhaps he’s able to tolerate the lack of sex in your relationship specifically because he’s getting it from the other ones.
I can’t pretend to know the depths of this particular person’s mind but as a man, I’d say that nine times out of ten, if a man has multiple partners it’s not about “emotional connection and support”
- 18 hours
if a man has multiple partners it’s not about “emotional connection and support”
It often is at first, but it doesn’t take long for that to turn into fucking.
- 17 hours
I’m unconvinced that polyamory is about anything other than wanting the permission to have sex with multiple people.
Yes and atheists just don’t believe in god because they want to sin, without feeling bad!!11!!
More seriously tho: Has no one ever said to you that polyamory is about more than wanting the permission to have sex with multiple people? And if someone told you, why don’t you believe them?
I think a relationship between two people who love and care for each other is a far more intimate bond. To each their own I guess but certainly not for me.
- 17 hours
100 percent!
Some people have said, with varying amount of kidding, that poly is the only real way to assert bisexuality! Settling on any one partner has the risk of people “collapsing” your identity and feeling like you’ve “finally settled”. But that doesn’t apply if you’ve got a male and female partner both!
