Thought in my head about if you suspect someone of being poly and your interested them, is it worth asking?
This does relate to my previous post and I like the “just flirt” route since its got the best case for it
12 hours
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- 3 hours
In my experience, they tend to tell you right away, if they see/feel interest - from both sides
- 8 hours
Oh yeah it’s okay, I’m poly and I don’t mind being asked as long as it’s done respectfully !
- 4 hours
I would ask straight up, I feel like it would different if I was interested in them
- 12 hours
From my point of view, best to ask early. But then, I’d want to tell someone anyway, if things were heading past light flirting.
I don’t know if a monogamous person might be offended by the question though (?)
- 6 hours
Monogamous person here. I would not be offended if someone asked me if I was, or if someone else is. I think it’s kinda hot. It’s not something I’d want to be in long-term, but for a night? Shit, why not? That said, I’ve been married almost 20 years, and my wife and I aren’t looking for a third or a couple to play with. Maybe when we were both 20 years younger. Not now. That’s a younger person’s game (to my mind anyway). But offended? No way. You do you, boo.
You can also ask me if I’m gay or trans. I’m neither, but I won’t mind being asked as long as it’s respectfully. And I’ll answer in kind. I have been hit on by men. Not often, but it’s happened a few times. Always flattering, as long as they take no for an answer. They always have. I mean, it’s kinda dangerous for them if they don’t. Not from me. I just mean in general. And violence against LGBTQ+ has always been a factor, unfortunately. Still, I’m flattered they think I’m worth their time. But I don’t swing that way. I thank them for the compliment and wish them well. I think it’s the best you can do in the situation. And while best is the enemy of good, well, I try to be better.
- 6 hours
If you don’t mind gay men hitting on you, you may not be representative of typical monogamists, lol
Also, not sure about a young person’s game … I’d love to have one or two more people in my life, and I’m 48. Can’t see that changing any time soon
- 5 hours
Another straight monogamist here, hit on is hit on. As long as it’s not pushy I can tolerate some flirting from pretty much anybody, just realize it’s not going anywhere.
- halcyoncmdr@piefed.socialEnglish9 hours
I don’t know if a monogamous person might be offended by the question though (?)
Being offended by an honest question about it in modern society… Unless there’s a strong religious aspect (where being poly is likely a big issue in general), probably a red flag in general. It indicates they are easily offended by relatively simple things, and if that offends them that much, what else do they have strong and potentially out of proportion opinions on?
- 9 hours
Well, they get offended by some things that seem quite alien to me, so I don’t know what is or isn’t ok
- 8 hours
Yes monogamous people would probably be offended. Think of it this way; to monogamous people, polyamory is functionally cheating, so you’re indirectly accusing them of being a cheater with your question. It’s not my fault, this is just the reality.
The solution is so extremely simple you’ll laugh. Instead of asking if they’re poly, ask people if they’re monogamous. Other monogamous people will be like, yeah of course aren’t you? Poly people will say no without being offended.
- 12 hours
If you need sexual and/or emotional exclusivity in a romantic relationship, do ask, unless you want to go through quarreling and drama later on.
- HubertManne@piefed.socialEnglish42 minutes
I would think this would come up at some point. Usually all couples sorta get to the exclusivity question at some point. No one expects after one date the other person won’t see other people.
