• Semester3383@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3 hours

    Okay. Uh. Relationships? Really?

    Let me clue you in: most people in porn do not have great long term relationships. Many don’t have them at all. I’ve known a few women IRL that were either in porn, or worked as escorts in one capacity or another. Their personal relationships tended to be volatile, at best, because it’s really hard to separate out the things you do as a professional from what you do personally, especially when they look almost exactly the same.

  • TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    12 hours

    Probably a sexologist would be better for that than a pornstar, since porn is about looking good, not feeling good

    • velma@sh.itjust.works
      12 hours

      There are quite a few porn stars who have become sexologists and sex therapists.

        • TheFogan@programming.devEnglish
          10 hours

          They don’t need to be mutually exclusive.

          They aren’t exclusive, but they aren’t the same thing, so there’s no real confirmation that a pornstar knows more than your average woman on, enjoyable sex rather than looking like she enjoys it.

          Concept of Pornstars teaching satisfying sex is to me on par with WWE wrestlers teaching self defense classes. Sure some WWE wrestlers probably have actual training in that category. But there’s probably more people with just a focus on actual self defense fighting that could do the job better.

        • velma@sh.itjust.works
          11 hours

          I didn’t say they were. I offered the fact that there are quite a few people out there that are both porn actors and sexologists.

  • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
    12 hours

    For the same reason the stars of Grey’s Anatomy don’t teach at medical schools.

    Acting isn’t real.

  • Arcanepotato@crazypeople.onlineEnglish
    12 hours

    Pornography is (typically) not just filming people having sex. It’s acting. The positions and sex acts chosen are ones that film well and are appealing to the target audience as fantasy, not ones that are necessarily the most pleasing. There is also no universally pleasing sex act.

  • cabbage@piefed.socialEnglish
    12 hours

    Sex and porn are very different things. A lot of young men enter into sex imitating porn, and the results tend to be terrible.

    In reality good sex is more about communication and trust than about being able to pull of crazy stunts. And once you have a good connection with someone exploring stuff is part of the fun, not something you’d like to outsource to a professional.

    Of course sexologists can play an important role and people can take inspiration from wherrver, but it is really about something completely different. Porn does a lot of harm in general.

    • Corporal_Punishment@feddit.ukEnglish
      6 hours

      You mean New York cops aren’t taught to crawl through air vents or how to abseil onto ships from a bridge?

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
    12 hours

    Let me introduce you to Nina Hartley

    She is a sex educator now and an all around kick-ass lady.

    Las Vegas Weekly has described Hartley as an “outspoken feminist, sex educator and advocate for sexual freedom” and “a guiding force for a generation of feminist porn stars”.[4] She has described herself both as a “classical liberal feminist”[38][39] and a democratic socialist.[32] Hartley began engaging in feminist activism in the 1980s.[40] She has said:

    “Based on my experience as a woman and a sexual being, and my understanding that I had the right to decide for myself what to do with my life – that’s what I understood to be feminist, to give everybody choices – I didn’t choose to be a mother but I chose this [porn] because it suits me.[41]”

    Hartley has also been involved in socialist activism[42] and has also been affiliated with the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC), a labor union founded in 2014 for pornographic film actors.[32]

    Hartley was elected to the board of the Free Speech Coalition in 1995,[43] and is a long-time board member of the Woodhull Freedom Foundation (founded in 2003).[44] She has made frequent appearances at academic conferences, workshops, and in the media to promote sex positivity.[45] She has given lectures at Dartmouth College, Harvard University, and the University of California.[46][44]

    In 2006, Hartley co-authored Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex with her husband, Ira Levine. The book includes sections on sex toys, swinging, threesomes, dominance and submission, and erotic spanking.[14] Library Journal called the book a “well-written guide” that is “strong on both safe sex and a permissive approach”, saying Hartley “handles the material frankly, accurately, and with sensitivity”.[14]

  • Andy@slrpnk.net
    10 hours

    First, I think something like this does exist. I’ve heard ads for a service that sounded similar to this this on the Savage Love podcast.

    Second, anyone interested in this topic should check out a new docu series on Nebula called Goonworld.

    In Goonworld, video essayist FD Signifier explores America’s simultaneous obsession with both enjoying and punishing pornography, sex workers, and the performance of sex.

    It’s on episode two, and it’s very good.

  • Heiliger Strohsack@feddit.orgEnglish
    12 hours

    These people are actors. I doubt they have more knowledge regarding (romantic) relationships. Also their way to orgasms are not necessarily genuine, the producers and performers are using tricks.

    • velma@sh.itjust.works
      12 hours

      I doubt they have more knowledge regarding (romantic) relationships.

      They don’t live in a porn vacuum. They absolutely have relationships outside of their job.

      • Heiliger Strohsack@feddit.orgEnglish
        11 hours

        They don’t live in a porn vacuum. They absolutely have relationships outside of their job.

        Yes, sure. I agree. But I doubt they do have more experience and/or knowledge in this field than the average person. Teachings how a relationship can improve are limited, because its quite unpredictable due to the mix of cultural, individual and social norms.

        • velma@sh.itjust.works
          11 hours

          They have to navigate a lot more typical relationship deal breakers and may be in a better position to advise how to compromise in a relationship.

          I don’t think being a porn actor disqualifies them from giving relationship advice any more than anyone else’s job does.

          • Heiliger Strohsack@feddit.orgEnglish
            10 hours

            They have to navigate a lot more typical relationship deal breakers and may be in a better position to advise how to compromise in a relationship.

            A lot? Some of them may be more or less famous and therefor a little different when in public, the reputation of the industry is rather bad, the actors and their relatives are subjected to shame, hate or similar. Also most of them have varying sex partners. If we put them on a list of deal breakes these are maybe one of the ones.

            On the other hand someone might worry more about other obstacles in a relationship like spend too much/little time together, lack of or bad communication, trust issues, to be an equal part when it comes to care, housework, finance or too much emotional, material dependence. These are way more common I think and if you are able to compromise regarding these “inside” things you have a solid base to handle the “outside” things more easily. The advice of a porn actor is only helpful if all parties agree that all possible conditions inside a relationship could be ranked and are being ranked without contradiction.

            I don’t think being a porn actor disqualifies them from giving relationship advice any more than anyone else’s job does.

            Neither do I. It feels like you think I value them less as a person than others. I do not. Do we have a misunderstanding here because of my grammar or another barrier related my english skills?

            • velma@sh.itjust.works
              10 hours

              We’re having a discussion, I’m not being aggressive by having a slightly differing opinion.

              • mushroommunk@lemmy.today
                7 hours

                Multiple people have now said you’re coming off aggressive and completely misunderstanding them. Maybe take the clue that you’re not just having a slightly different opinion and are in fact aggressively arguing something different from them

                • velma@sh.itjust.works
                  6 hours

                  Being blunt isn’t the same as being aggressive.

                  I don’t need to appease everyone by being overly sweet and cutesy with the info I bring into an otherwise neutral conversation.

  • dumples@piefed.socialEnglish
    10 hours

    While I think you are on the right idea I think someone else in the sex industry are more qualified. Most sex workers do lots of teaching of their clients in their jobs. So they should be teaching a master class.

    As it stands lots of them already do. Lots of kink books are written by sex workers / pro Dommes / educators. They are worth a read

  • atro_city@fedia.io
    12 hours

    A “True Sex” series would indeed be truly amazing. What we see in porn is just a bunch of acting (terrible acting).

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
    12 hours

    ITT: people who don’t realize porn actors are multi-faceted human beings with relationships and hobbies and lives outside of porn.

    • mushroommunk@lemmy.today
      11 hours

      On the flip side, you seem to think them being pornstars does indeed give them this extra knowledge that it doesn’t. They’re acting in the videos. Yes several have put in the time to acquire knowledge and transition into an educational role, but not because of magic porn knowledge.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
        11 hours

        I don’t think porn actors are automatically disqualified from being knowledgeable about sex and relationships. That’s different than thinking porn automatically bestows such knowledge on them.

        • mushroommunk@lemmy.today
          11 hours

          Except all your replies are about the people who have transitioned into sexologist roles. You’re responding to negatives people aren’t asserting.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
            11 hours

            That doesn’t mean I think all porn actors are sexologists. But some are and use their industry knowledge to help others. I think it’s a positive to help spread the word on these people because I think they’re doing good in the world.

            • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
              11 hours

              And some plumbers know how to cook, and some architects know how to garden, and some sys admins aren’t socially awkward.

              There’s no reason to antagonize every commenter because they didn’t bother to mention every exception to the rule.

              Saying “Being A does not automatically make you qualified to be B.” does not imply that it’s impossible for A to also be B.

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
                11 hours

                I’m not antagonizing every commenter. Just ones I slightly disagree with on the basis that porn disqualified people from being experts on sex and relationships. I personally think porn positions some actors as particularly sensitive and in tune with good sex advice.

                • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
                  11 hours

                  But nobody’s saying they are disqualified from it, just that they aren’t automatically experts.